Losing him
by Quarterback5Hudson
Summary: Everything seems to fall apart. But in the end, you slowly lose that pain. It won't go away for good, it never will. It's how you handle it in the end.


"Maybe I, Maybe I, Maybe I'm losing. Maybe I, Maybe I, Maybe I'm okay. Don't look around, turn around, go around in circles. Don't look away, run away. Don't hide away. Why are we hiding our secrets? Why are we hiding ourselves away? Anyway we can, hide away!"

Rachel finished the song with a bright smile before waving over at Kurt. She ran over to him when she was finished and smiled. "Okay, I know anyone here can not beat that!" The brunette announced to her best friend before taking his hand. She could sense something was wrong not only by the way that he looked at her, but everything about him seemed off. His clothes looked like they'd been through hell and back and for most people, they wouldn't have known something was wrong with the male, but luckily for Rachel she knew him almost forever. He was her best gay after all. But besides that, anyone who knew Kurt Hummel knew he always kept his clothes up to par.

"I'm kind of afraid to ask you what's wrong." She said softly.

Kurt sighed, looking into her eyes. "I have to tell you something, Rachel. But I really think we should be back at the apartment first."

Rachel started to shake her head, but when she looked back at Kurt she nodded. "Alright." She said before walking home with him, neither one talking.

Once back at the apartment, Kurt sat down telling Rachel to sit down as well. "Rachel… While you were up on that stage, I had a phone call from my dad. I had to answer it because you know he really never calls that often unless it's an emergency. I.. I thought it had to do with his cancer again." Kurt said as tears filled his eyes.

Rachel looked at him. "Thought? So it's not, Burt's fine?" She asked, smiling.

"It's bad Rach. But no, my dad's.. Fine. Health wise, at least. For now." He took a deep breath. "Finn's dead." He said, quietly as he looked at her, waiting for her reaction.

Rachel started laughing, shaking her head. "No he's not. Kurt he's supposed to be here in three hours, remember? We were going to have that date tonight. Pretend like it was a first date for us." She said. "We are going to have that date tonight." Rachel corrected herself. Looking into Kurt's eyes again, it finally started to dawn on the young brunette that her best friend wasn't joking. Finn was really gone? No. She wouldn't believe it. Couldn't. He was going to be there tonight, smiling at her like she was the greatest thing in the world like he did every time he saw her. Right?

He wouldn't just leave her now. Not when they were supposed to spend forever together. She shook her head, as tears filled her eyes. "No. He'll… He'll be here. He'll walk through that door and he'll hug me and tell me I look beautiful and make me want to smack him for something, but I won't because it was adorable and… and.." She started sobbing.

Rachel felt broken. Beyond broken. Especially after four hours when Kurt had already finished packing to go to Lima and had left on the plane an hour ago. Finn hadn't shown up and that's when it really hit her. Finn Hudson always kept his promises and he promised Rachel he'd be there today. So what other reason would he have for not coming?

Finally, she pulled out her cell phone and smiled at the picture of the two together. When they first planned on getting married. Her heart sunk lower in her chest as she pressed the speed dial for Finn. It rang and rang before going to voicemail. "Hey, this is Finn Hudson! I'll get back to you when you.. PUCK GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!" She couldn't help but laugh at that. Rachel kept redialing. He had to pick up one of these times. "Hey, this is Fi-" Rachel hung up after what felt like the thousandth time.

Letting out a scream, Rachel stood up from where she was sitting. She felt like throwing things. Breaking things to hopefully make them felt like she felt. Broken. Scared. Where was her life supposed to go after this? They had everything planned out and in one single moment everything had changed. Her life changed. She still didn't want to believe it though. Maybe if she went to sleep it would all be a dream. Well, nightmare. It had to be. There could be no other explanation besides the one she refused to believe.

Laying in her bed, she closed her eyes, trying to force her tears to stop. Almost half an hour later she finally felt herself giving into the darkness. It was peaceful until she heard a loud scream that sounded from their apartments main walk in. Rachel quickly got up and ran out, seeing Santana on the floor sobbing. "S-Santana. Hey! Santana! Breathe, Santana! What's wrong?!" She asked, trying to calm her friend down.


End file.
